Funeral

Jimmy had died. He wasn’t old in his dog years, he was pretty young. In the late afternoon, when the sepsis got the best of him, he died in the corner of the doormat where he usually slept. I was the one who found him dead, when his ears didn’t even twitch to my calls and when his morning breakfast remained uneaten in his metal bowl. They laid him near the tamarind tree next to the place where they had buried Old Jimmy.

When old Jimmy died, I was just a little girl, probably ten years old. He was a labrador healthy and fluffy. He followed me around everywhere I went, no matter how far I walked. He died by eating poisoned food left for some other dog. I remember missing him a lot when I visited my grandparents in the countryside. Death is a painful thing, be it dogs or humans. I still remember how new Jimmy was when he was brought to my home, with brown spots on his blonde body and a little saggy face. He was supposed to be handed over to my cousin’s family for raising so he didn’t have a name for a long time. My cousin found another dog so they decided to let him grow here and gave him the same name as our old dog - Jimmy.

He was a good dog and needed no potty training. He followed you around when called. His only bad habit was biting at footwear and probably some pants. Otherwise, he was a good dog. I pet him whenever there was a chance, and whenever he wasn't dirty. He had an aversion towards water, and if even a drop were to fall on him, he'd go running to the hills. His spots faded as he grew but he was still cute. Before he passed he was a sad sight, body shrunken to his bones sick.

I clutched his collar tightly in my hands. When they had finished burying him and the family dispersed to their daily chores I marched straight into the forest. He needed a funeral, a proper one and I would give him that. I gathered some dry twigs and leaves and piled them in the middle. The July air was strong and made sounds of waves as it blew through trees. A tree that laid on the ground was proof enough of how strong the winds blew. I hoped the twigs I gathered wouldn't get blown away.

As I was busy gathering the pile, I heard a bike pass by and stop on the road. I turned to glance at the oncomer. My boyfriend was walking towards me, a girl, a familiar one, waving at him and driving by. I had seen her in his recent SNS posts, he called her his best friend. Her name was Gina or Leena or something, I didn’t know for sure because he always came up with excuses whenever I asked to meet her. I went back to my business.

“We need to talk.”, he said. Probably taking my silence as a cue he continued, “Tina came here today, to visit my family.” It was Tina. I didn’t answer him mainly because if I utter a word, all my emotions for Jimmy will come crashing down. He didn’t even ask what I was doing or what happened to Jimmy.

"Rhea! I'm just going to get it all out." He took a long breath. The pile I gathered was tall enough and I tried to light the fire on the pile placing the collar somewhere in the middle. The tenth matchstick that I lighted went out in the air. I was frustrated. I only have two more left in the box. The fire that caught in the last match slowly consumed the dry twigs and leaves with the flames climbing higher and higher. It looked monstrous. The heat wave the fire released gave warmth in the cold weather.

"My parents love Tina and they want me to get married to her. We should break-up." He kept staring at my face that was passive. My mouth felt dry but I wasn't shocked. I felt this was a long time coming. I just wished that the ten year love story wouldn't come crashing down like this.

"We could be friends if you'd like. I'll let you think about it." He walked away. I didn't watch him go. I instead watched the flames as they danced in the wind. In the flames I saw us through our youth. He was my first love, my first kiss, my first date and the only guy I had ever dated. What a waste had it all come to. The heat wave felt cold, like it was biting at my heart. I didn't feel like crying. I felt devoid of emotions, the huge black hole in my heart eating away all of my emotions - grief, jealousy, heartbreak, relief. I could feel nothing but the wind.

The leaves turned to ashes as the smoke consumed the dry leaves, the wind blew through it. I never understood the term, ashes from the sky until that day. It rained like ashes from the sky as the wind blew through the flames and the ashes. At night, when the silent tears wet my pillow I realised the funeral was not only for Jimmy but also for my first love.